Maybe most of us like to quit our job if we could. We forever crave for it, but that’s about as far as we get-dreaming. Working a 9-5 just seems inescapable. I, James Gillard, however am a master at defying the unavoidable. I look closely ‘The Inevitable’ in the face and call him dirty names. I say, if you want to quit your job, QUIT YOUR JOB; The following are the five reasons why you should.
1. If you stop working you’ll have plenty of time to reading articles such as this. This will enable me to become a household name down at the Unemployment and Welfare offices. My fame is a small price to pay for you living your dreams. You’ll think of this when you see me on TV.
2. Quitting your job will make you feel wonderful. You’ll be in cloud nine in 10 minutes, you’ll on the top of the world, you’ll be living the good life, you’ll be: -insert your own line of though here-. Then the worries start about the car note, the mortgage, the kid’s school clothes, groceries, and how you’re going to pay that $850 you owe the Petermanns for running over their mailbox and a whole row of prize-winning azaleas. All this will probably depress you to the point of assisted suicide, but at least you had 10 minutes of freedom.
3. Daytime TV shows is considered the most exciting and captivating television around. You’ll wonder how come you get to survive without all those soap operas, movies, talk shows, reality shows, and judge shows where you suspect that the judge has beed paid. Mix all these shows with all the educational advertisements that are shown during the day that will ‘Show you how to make $1,000 a day stuffing envelopes, ‘Teach you to drive a tractor trailer in 4 days’, ‘Allow you to get a degree from home’ in such exciting fields as GED preparation and septic tank scrubber’ and you’ll not only wonder why you didn’t quit your job sooner, you promise you won’t get back to work again.
4. In your previous job you missed all those calls from colletors and billing agents. Now that you have quit your job you’ll be able to sit at home in eager anticipation of these oh-so-important calls. Toss in a few telemarketers, calls from the Sheriff’s Association asking for donations, and a few of those computers that call you and ask you to ‘Hold for an important message’ and you’ll have to sit back and relax answering these calls. It’s like having a job again, without all the hassle of getting a paycheck.
5. Drawing yourself to get out of bed daily at 5:45 a.m. doesn’t help your body. Your physician will be happy to know that caring for your body is your priority to go as far as quitting your job. He will not, however, see you as a patient anymore because you no longer have health insurance. We have free clinics though, and you don’t have to worry. Waiting all day in this clinic next to two teenagers with stage 3 Chlamydia is is another wonderful experience you will surely miss if you keep working on your present job.
There you have it folks. Five reasons why you should immediately go out and resign from your job. Have a free feeling to say these to your boss when you turn in your two weeks notice. If she asks where you came across such valuable information say to her that unselfish friend provided them to you, and all I wanted in return was that you think of me next time you need your septic tank scrubbed…
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